


Y.A.M.S.M.O.S.

by hirusen



Category: Antisepticeye - Fandom, jacksepticeye, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Again, Angst and Feels, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Cremation Jewelry, Crying, Dark Magic, Demons, Emotional Hurt, Family Feels, Grief/Mourning, Gun Usage, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Language, M/M, Magic, Magic-Users, Post-Death in the Family, References to Depression, Singing, What Have I Done, medical treatment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-02-28 15:44:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13274661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hirusen/pseuds/hirusen
Summary: MY BRAIN REFUSES TO CREATE NOTHING BUT ANGST RIGHT NOW!!! UGH! I NEED TO WRITE SOMETHING NICE AND HAPPY SOON!!Also! The title is an acronym which will be said in the fic itself by Anti; I didn't want to spoil what I had in mind when I thought of the idea for this fic by pulling it plainly in the title. Plus, it makes people guess what it is until they see it! ...God my mind is an evil place.





	Y.A.M.S.M.O.S.

**Author's Note:**

> MY BRAIN REFUSES TO CREATE NOTHING BUT ANGST RIGHT NOW!!! UGH! I NEED TO WRITE SOMETHING NICE AND HAPPY SOON!!
> 
> Also! The title is an acronym which will be said in the fic itself by Anti; I didn't want to spoil what I had in mind when I thought of the idea for this fic by pulling it plainly in the title. Plus, it makes people guess what it is until they see it! ...God my mind is an evil place.

Anti felt a chill run down his spine. Something was wrong. "Marv, have you heard from Grayson?" He asked the magician, not liking the worry in his eyes. "No. I thought he would have got a hold of you or Chase by now." Grayson, more commonly known as Jackieboy Man, had went out about 5 hours ago to grab some things from the store. He said that he would call either Marvin, Chase, or Anti should something come up or if he needed their help with something. "...I don't like this." Anti growled as he turned on Sean's computer, using his powers to trace the location of the youth's phone.

"Come on. Let's go see if he needs our help carrying something home." Anti didn't let the others see where the youngest ego was; he was in an alleyway for some strange reason. The demon didn't like the way the hair on the back of his neck stood up as they all filed out of the room, Henrik pausing on their way out of the house to grab his trauma kit, just in case Grayson had been hurt.

* * *

He groaned as he pressed himself against the brink wall, holding his injured right shoulder carefully.  _Keep calm, Jackie. Anti'll be here soon._ He didn't want to get his boyfriend involved with this fight, but he might not have a choice. Jackieboy Man had stumbled upon another demon roaming the streets of Brighton, having heard that it was seeking out Anti to try and kill him. Being the good, protective person and boyfriend that he is, Grayson quickly engaged the demon, not wanting a threat to Anti's life--or the others' lives--laying in wait for its chance to strike.

Digging into his pocket, Grayson only managed to get his phone out when it was skewered, the hero hissing as he released his phone to hastily inspect his injured hand. He snapped his eyes forward and felt a cold sweat start to form on his forehead. This demon wasn't playing around anymore, and Grayson was praying that Anti would be safe.

* * *

Sean slowed his steps when Anti suddenly came to a halt. "Anti? What's wrong?" He asked, but they all got nervous when he started to glitch. "I just lost the signal of Grayson's phone." What? "How?" Chase asked, wanting to reach out to hold Anti's trembling hand, but knowing better. "...He's close. Come on!" He shouted when he picked up on faint, yet harsh breathing only three blocks ahead of them. As the group funneled into the alleyway, they all saw as something resembling a spike sank through Grayson's torso, getting ripped out roughly.

"Grayson!" Anti bellowed as he glitched to the hero's side, catching him as he collapsed. Marvin wasn't too far behind, Anti feeling as his magic cracked out overhead, slamming into the other demon. It made a pained noise as Marvin was at his side, cradling Grayson as Sean, Henrik, and Chase rushed to their side. Anti gently passed Grayson to Sean, hearing as Chase cocked the hammer of his revolver (a gift he recieved from Anti) and fired. The gunshot echoed painfully in the small space, but Anti had flared his own magic out to prevent any hearing damage the shot might have caused the others, watching as the demon staggered back from the force of the bullet.

"What the fucking hell are you after?!" He snarled at the opposing demon, the thing speaking in a language he didn't understand before it tried to lash out at him. Anti simply scoffed, took out his knife from its sheath, coiled his own dark magic around the blade and slashed the air. The demon paused for a moment, confused, before it slowly slid apart into two pieces, forming a black, inky puddle that evaporated into smoke a moment later. "Grayson!" He barked as he turned on his heel, carefully scooping the little frame into his arms. "Grayson, baby, can you hear me?" He asked, trying to keep the fear he felt in his heart from spreading to the rest of his body.

Henrik was at his side at that point, inspecting the hero's injuries, taking a moment to inject something into his blood. "It...was after you..." Grayson spoke, none of them liking the light gurgling sound that followed his words. "And you tired to take it down? Oh, you stupid, silly boy. How many times have I told you to not fight non-humans without Marvin's or my aid?" Anti scolded, running a hand through the other's mint green locks, giving him a little smile. "Anti..." He glanced up to Henrik and felt his whole body tense when he saw the sorrow deep within his eyes.

"...No...No, no. He'll be okay!" "I...I-I'm sorry, but I can't save him. His injuries are just too severe, and he's lost too much blood already for me to safely perform any kind of medical procedure. I'm so sorry, my love." Henrik hung his head in personal shame, trying to hold back his tears. "But...you gave him something! H-He might still be--" "Zat vas just something for his pain. It's all zat I can do." The doctor's voice broke as he spoke those words to the demon, standing up to hold Chase in his arms, the poor thing having broken down when Henrik told Anti he couldn't save Grayson.

"No, no, there must be something! Marvin, is there any kind of spell you can use? Anything?!" Marvin had pulled off his mask, it now settled onto the ground, his back to the group, head down. Anti cursed, wrapping Grayson with his magic, testing to see if any spell he used would be able to save the man in his arms, but... "No...no..! Please, please don't let this be true! Please..." Grayson's eyes moved from the other's back to Anti when he felt something wet splash onto his face; he gave him a weak smile as he reached up. "Don't cry, Anti."

The others turned back to the duo, finally seeing Anti's tear stained face, his whole body shaking as he silently sobbed. They watched as Anti pulled Grayson further into his lap, cradling his head to his chest so he could listen to his heartbeat, a sound everyone loved to listen to. He started to rock back and forth, his thumb stroking Grayson slowly cooling cheek. Then he did the strangest thing: he started to hum. It was a tune he seemed to know well, as he hummed the whole song a few times, Sean and Chase seeing that Grayson seemed to know the song as well, his lips spreading into a little grin as he listened to it.

Anti could feel as the last of Grayson's moments alive approached and in another moment, he was going to be dead. So, he decided that he'd give this living blessing in his life one final gift.

"...You are my sunshine, my only sunshine." Everyone was silent. "You make me happy...when skies are grey." Anti locked his eyes with Grayson's, seeing as the light started to fade. "You'll never know dear, how much I love you..." As the youth's body finally went limp, Anti doubled over himself, pulling the lifeless body closer to his pain and grief stricken one. "...Please...don't take...my sunshine away..." As he openly sobbed, pain filled wails leaving his throat to echo in the small alleyway, he felt every emotion the others were feeling. He wasn't shocked at all that lining the emotional anguish they were all a little stunned; it wasn't every day that he sung after all.

It felt like an eternity had passed before anyone moved, Chase surprising everybody by kneeling down and wrapping his arms around Anti. He wasn't hugging him nor was he holding him; Brody was letting Anti know that they were all still there, still feeling the same emotions he was, that he wasn't alone in this moment of great loss. Anti didn't say a word, just faintly bobbing his head before he scooped Grayson into his arms, stood up, and started to walk back home. Anti didn't care if the others followed him or not, he just needed to be some place that wasn't this fucking, goddamned, forsaken alleyway.

* * *

Anti glanced over the edge of his book when a knock sounded on his door. "It's open!" The wood moved to reveal Sean, a smile on his features, but concern in his eyes. "Hi." Anti closed the book and placed it on his nightstand, sitting up a little. "Hi." Sean walked over to his bed, sitting on the edge of it. "How've ya been, Anti?" "That's my line. Have you been talking to Henrik recently?" Sean sighed, nodding his head before he fell forward a little, holding it in his hands. "How?" He turned to his inner demon, seeing as he raised a brow, clearly lost.

"How do ya do it? Act like his death doesn't affect you?" "...You sound angry." "I AM ANGRY!" He yelled, snapping his head away from Anti, his hands caught between curling and uncurling into fists. "...I am angry. You...you feel everything--every single god-fucking-damn emotion we do--and yet you aren't showing any signs that losing him as even..!" He cut himself off again, unsure of how he should be responding to Anti's complete lack of emotion after Grayson's death and funeral. Especially since Anti was the one who gave all of them the necklaces they all wear; the ones that were unique to them all and had some of Grayson's ashes inside of them. Anti thumbed the angel wing that rested against his breast bone, his eyes settling on the Celtic trinity knot cross that dangled around Sean's throat. "It's not like I'm unaffected by Grayson's death," Anti frowned a little, his eyes apologetic when he saw Sean flinch a little at Grayson's name, "but everybody is still mourning his dead. You all need a pillar of support, a safe place to run to, while you recover."

"But--" "I'm not neglecting my own recovery, just putting it on hold for right now." Anti retorted before Jack could even start, not wanting him to stress out anymore than he was right now. "Besides, I'm more worried about you and Chase; if I'm reading your guys's behaviors right, you're showing signs of depression." "...Henrik said the same thing after our last session." Anti cupped his cheek, gently soothing his thumb against his skin. Anti didn't say anything, and he didn't need to, allowing Sean to crawl into his bed, settle himself under the covers, and let everything out.

Anti just stroked his brown hair, getting up to leave his room, giving Sean a little more privacy in such a display of weakness. Walking downstairs, he saw that Chase's cheeks had dried tear stains, the father of two watching a movie he's likely seen before. He was toying with the bullet that held Grayson's ashes; it was one that, back when he was at a high risk of attempting suicide again, he was going to use on himself. He asked Anti to turn it into something that could hold Grayson's ashes, which he gladly did, actually a little happy that he no longer felt that life isn't worth living anymore. "You doing okay? Want something warm to drink?" Chase had told Anti that he has been having trouble getting warm, almost constantly wrapped in blankets, always drinking tea, coffee, or hot chocolate to try and keep warm. "Yeah. Thanks." Chase gave the demon a weak expression of happiness as he threaded his fingers through his yellow-green hair.

In the kitchen, he found the other two, the duo simply talking just to talk, if their body language told Anti anything. Marvin kept Grayson's ashes in a custom cremation urn in the shape of a remembrance rune; Henrik didn't try to hide the fact that he's lost someone he loved, so Anti got him a glass locket, Grayson's ashes displayed to the whole world. "Oh, hello Anti." Marvin chimed, Henrik giving him a little wave. Anti returned the gesture, walking over to the electric kettle, getting it started as he pulled out a few coco packets. "You guys want some?" "Yes. Zank you, Anti." He smiled to him, rubbing little circles into their backs as they waited. Once it was made, Anti moved out of the kitchen and leaned over the edge of the sofa, handing Chase the drink as he used his powers to summon some thick blankets to wrap around the man.

Once he knew everyone was emotionally ok, he went back upstairs, down the hallway, and into the room at the very end, shutting the door behind him and using his magic to make the room soundproof. He glanced around the room, feeling as his eyes filled with salty water at the sight before him. It was Grayson's room. In the exact orderly mess that Anti's always remember it being. He felt as the strength started to leave his legs, falling to his knees at the edge of the late youth's bed. He wrapped his arms around his head and bawled. "Grayson...Grayson..!"

Anti wasn't handling Grayson's death as well as he made it seem. He felt like he was drifting in a sea of shattered glass, cutting him with every breath he took, every beat of his heart. Losing someone he loved and cared about so deeply felt like he was being tortuously ripped open, his nerves being severed with a white-hot knife one ending at a time. Most nights, he couldn't get to sleep without crying himself into it, if he could even manage to loosen the invisible hand that constricted his breathing when he was alone. And he knew. He knew that the others have always seen through his act, but he didn't care. He didn't care that they knew he was still broken so badly over the death of Grayson.

His lover.

Their friend.

Their sunshine.

Anti got on top of Grayson's bed, pulling one of the pillows to his chest, the tears running down his face as he took a unsteady breath.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away..."


End file.
